There’s nothing to put the insanity of one’s own native culture in perspective more clearly than the insanity of another. Since coming to China, I have been both horrified and mesmerized by the inexplicable programming on CCTV. (China Central TV, which controls essentially all of the programming in the country and boasts 19 channels ranging from news to a “military and agriculture” channel.)
While a lot of CCTV aims to entertain with family-centered soap operas (many of which are based in bygone dynasties and some of which feature magic!) and American Idol-style talent competitions, it’s the documentary-like exposé programming that I find most baffling. In the past few months, I have witnessed an hour long, prime-time “news” story about an elderly couple living on the outskirts of Beijing who have a lot of cats. Likewise, I’ve seen hard-hitting, in-depth programs about a man who can eat a lot of food and a lady who went to Australia. It’s entirely possible that I’m missing some language or vital cultural context, but I had relegated CCTV to the same level of media savvy as Nick at Nite until I had the following conversation with a friend:
FRIEND: So, do you watch TV in China?
ME: On occasion, I have indeed been known to. I must confess, though, that I find it truly puzzling!
FRIEND: How so? Please elaborate!
[It's a tiny bit possible that the specific language of our conversation was not exactly like this. But I digress...]
ME: Well, in the place of prime-time news programs, I have seen a lengthy program featuring a man eating a live snake while a group of young children look on. Chinese people are truly bizarre.
A pause.
FRIEND: Fear Factor.
ME: Oh, yeah, I guess so. Well, another time, I saw a show where they spent like an hour talking about how some old people have a lot of cats.
FRIEND: Anything on HGTV. Or Lifetime.
ME: Fine. A game show where people try to fit their entire families into spaces of infinitesimal square footage!
[I pause, confident that I have finally triumphed in the weird TV Olympics and also proud of my use of the world "infinitesimal"!]
FRIEND: (coy) Was this show, by any chance…Japanese?
ME: (grumpy) Possibly…
FRIEND: Whatever. No matter what you’ve got over there, I submit for the evidence: Wife Swap, A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, Ice Road Truckers, or any show involving competitive cake decorating. Our TV is ridiculous.
ME: No! We are Americans! We invented television! We made Walter Cronkite and The Daily Show and the complete works of Matthew Weiner!
[I realize that this tirade makes me, who doesn't really like TV that much, sound like Kenneth from 30 Rock. I also realize that making a TV reference as evidence that I don't "really like TV that much" is kind of not that effective.]
FRIEND: Wife. Swap.
ME: Touché.
Conclusion: We are all weridos. Some of us just like eating snakes more than others.
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but that snake clip was on the NEWS. fear factor is a show. right? right?